You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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