She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have already put on my inside pants.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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