He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
