Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
