If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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