i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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