Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
