They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
