we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That accounts for only three of the penises
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
