We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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