This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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