We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
