I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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