Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
