Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
