The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
