I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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