Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
ok first of all what the fuck
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