Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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