And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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