can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
