I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
