Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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