Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
