Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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