I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
