When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
