I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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