I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
