dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
