Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
