she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
