I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
No more Irish car bombs ever.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
