garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
