but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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