just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
