I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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