Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
