I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
