Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm at about main and main street
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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