Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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