PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Liz is crying about burritos again.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
