forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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