If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
