How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
