dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
