Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
