I'm laying in your front yard are you home
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
