He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
my poor anus
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
