; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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